Welp, there is little to no mention of the past, present or future of new singer/songwriter/producer/ DJ, BISHØP, and her new track “F.F.Y. (Feeling For You).” The only information I can glean is from her Twitter page, which lists “Portlandia” as her location (assuming Oregon, unless she’s from the fictional Fred Armison city), so it’s safe to assume that (1) she’s upbeat and nice, but doesn’t realize it, (2) has a way too close relationship with her pet, (3) is super pretentious and snobby when it comes to coffee, protests, and recycling, and (4) probably rolls around town on a penny farthing, or some other stupid-style bike. Although this BISHØP (pronounced “bishop”) is not necessarily famous just yet, we will look at some (in)famous bishops from the past. Who knows, maybe we’ll learn a thing or two. During the middle ages (5th to 15th century), being a Bishop was good business. Essentially, as a Bishop, you’d threaten an ignorant person with eternal burning, and he’ll give you some money to feel safe again via “indulgences.” Martin Luther (remember him? the white one?) is remembered because of this very thing. In 1517 Luther wrote to his Bishop protesting the sale of indulgences, including a copy of what later became know as the Ninety-five Theses, originally titled Disputation of Martin Luther on the Power and Efficacy of Indulgences. The story told in Sunday school was that he nailed the Ninety-five Theses on the door of a church and then it spread like wildfire (this has been mostly disproved), same dude though. Anywho, those Bishops were corrupt dudes, and there’s a solid chance all Christians would be Catholic were it not for Señor Luther and the subsequent Protestant Reformation. More bad dude Bishops are the inquisitors that denied Joan or Arc the right to counsel and went ahead with a trial they had no evidence to support, then burned her at the stake for heresy. Then there’s the humanoid cyborg Bishop, from the Ridley Scott series of “Alien” movies with Sigourney Weaver, whom we were never quite sure whose side he was on (probly also bad), and who had that sweet finger-stabbing-knife-trick (that everyone stabbed themselves trying to replicate). Last but maybe least we’ve got the mostly sacrificial chess piece, the bishop. Well, maybe it’s only sacrificial to me because I’m not good at chess and he’s constantly getting sacrificed.

If this BISHØP can learn a little from all those bishops, then she’ll probably see the black-souled underbelly of the music biz, extort her way to success, change her name, and sacrifice some pathetic sap in her stead, just like the rest of them.

Feli Says Learning is Fun

Felipe Macia
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